i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
