i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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