I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
