hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
