You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
