So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
