I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
