similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
