i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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