they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
