Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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