I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
pray to the hookup gods
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
