just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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