my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
