if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
