ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
