Got a toothbrush?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
