Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
