Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
