Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Naked Twister starts at high noon
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
