i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize