dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
