She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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