Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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