i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
