Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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