Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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