Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
