I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I looked at my own cervix.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS