I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
