dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
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I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises