yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.