So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?