Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..