note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
