Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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