my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
