...so i touched it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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