Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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