well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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