So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How naked do you want me to be?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
