im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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