I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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