you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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