I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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