So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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