onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
