They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
