Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize