Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
