she was so not down for the gang bang
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
