If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Couch. On fire.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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