Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
nutella sex= disaster
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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