note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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