Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
