i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
