We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
