that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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