In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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