I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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