Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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