If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
