You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
