so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
