Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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