I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize