she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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