The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
