I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
