They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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