Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
