well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
