I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
