My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
