SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
