if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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