I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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