Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
