Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
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He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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