No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
