I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
