I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
